i · love · you · golden · blue.

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"through being cool" by devo makes life more favorable.

I'M GETTING AN APT. stuy town whataaap

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things can only improve from here. i am so happy to be alive, but i really feel like the hand i;ve been dealt i dont deserve.

could it be karma? could it just be my own stupidity? all i know is, im dealing with high post traumatic stress, and im far too young to be.

i wish i hated myself less. where did this come from, anyway? guilt, self effacement, denial and suppression are all i feel these days.

Current Music:
girls
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"they put a black face on the new world order and now we all happy... KRS ain't buyin' it"
-KRS One
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need to forget
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<3<3<3
Current Music:
pains
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so i just realized that since i've been here, i've basically been living off a vegetarian diet. basically. i will eat meat occasionally, but usually the opportunity never arises or i'm never in the mood for it. i never thought that time would come, but i don't hate it. sort of indifferent, actually.

i went running through central park sunday with my fit mate, beau, and loved it so damn much. it was at dusk, the perfect time to be in the park and not feel unsafe or unsure of my surroundings. halfway up the westside, alongside the lake to the east side, plus around 60 blocks walking there and back. so much better than the gym, and now that i have decent sneaks, i don't hate running so much anymore. we're making it a tri-weekly ritual, for sure.

my classes are weird. not bad-weird, just not quite what i expected. i've only been to one class, but there seems to be a pointed concentration towards printed fabrics, at least this semester. i normally loathe most forms of printed fabric, but i'm going to use this opportunity to change that. i will say that these next two years will be an interesting and never-before-experienced foray into color. seriously, i have never seen faculty take color so damn seriously. hopefully, that ardent appreciation of color will translate to my wardrobe choices; looking at my closet and looking at my roommate's closet made me realize how much i love black, gray and neutrals... maybe to an extreme.

i can't wait for wovens, batiking and yarn-dyed fabric classes. so up my alley.

our room looks good. a little busy, but that's to be expected in a dorm room. i would love to have art in my next place (by me, of course - the vanity kills me, i love it), but right now it's not really possible. i made those cheesy little paper snowflakes and hung them from the ceiling - they cast a great shadow.

gossip girl is filming two blocks south of here. i walked by, and it wasn't that great. they had it blocked off, and people were taking photos. i was on my way to submit an application to lush, anyway. i can't wait for their call, good or bad may it be.
Current Music:
bjork
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from my brief experience, orientations suck. like, really, "let's make friends in a contrived environment, in a certain span of time, and make every attempt, stifled though it may be, to be nice and at the same time aloof, since that's how fashion-kinder are supposed to act, and completely reject natural conversational silences by participating in activities that are appropriate for high school students".

ok, i know that was a run-on sentence that just KEPT GOING, but i'm so bored because i probably value my privacy too much and have grossly underestimated my level of shyness.

i love this city, like seriously, but i need some time to love the people in it. don't force me, man.

my room looks fucking awesome, considering the circumstances. natural colors, wicker, wood, black, stainless steel. oh, and lots of naomi campbell, raquel zimmerman and polaroids of the ones i love. and plants!

btw, it bears repeating that if anyone's in/coming to ny, and bored, please contact me! not to sound desperate (i'm not), but i'd much appreciate friendly interaction beyond my parents and roommate.
Current Music:
hercules and love affair
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WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
csm has a textiles for fashion grad degree program! i'm soooo fucking psyched!
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people with a lot of money to spend on clothing irritate the hell out of me. mainly because i can't afford great things myself.

speaking of which:
http://www.dillards.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/ProductDisplay?catalogId=301&storeId=301&langId=-1&productId=501933951&linkshare=http://www.shopstyle.com/affiliate

calvin klein, 160. i would buy them if they went on sale. i'm talking half off here.
speaking of ck, i would injure myself hXc to intern there

related:
according to my calculations, i have 1 month or so till i move up thur. feeling excited, not anxious excited, but happy excited. something new, maybe. although i don't really feel like ny is anything foreign to me, the idea of waking up to a noisy city every morning is a crazy.

Current Music:
oh, you know, lyk foo fighters and nirvana and all that embarrassing shit
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t-minus 1 month and 15 days until i can feel like i have a purpose again.
Current Music:
flo rida
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